David Roth: The New York edition of Zagat’s is so suffocatingly New York. The diner-contribution stuff is all from people that think nothing of saying, out loud, “I feel like I should be writing New Yorker cartoons.” So every review is them being like “It’s GREEK TO ME why anyone would go anyplace else for Greek food do you see what I did there with the Greek thing.”
David Raposa: This quaint Italian bistro has food that’s TO DIE FOR, with portion sizes that could KILL A HORSE and PUT ITS HEAD IN YOUR BED WHILE YOU SLEEP. I’m totally in, right?
David Roth: Nino’s official website has music. Oddly, it’s “Snakes For The Divine” by High On Fire. Just kidding, it’s totally a MIDI-file version of George Benson.
David Raposa: God this classy-coke soundtrack is ensorceling. I feel like I’m in the highest-budgeted “Red Shoe Diaries” episode ever.
David Roth: Kiefer Sutherland Music. AKA “N**gas in Paris In 1988 At A Lounge.”
David Raposa: “[Owner Nino] Selmaj has culled a large, loyal following with his magnetic personality, dashing good looks and impeccably tailored suits bearing a bejeweled American flag on his lapel.” Rudy Giuliani wept.
David Roth: And ate there several times a week, presumably. So a second take on the Zagat review would be: With “the raw sex appeal” of a young Mario Batali and a flag pin you “won’t want to miss,” Nino is the “host with the most” if you’re “a star shortstop trying to hump as discreetly as possible” in hopes of not getting “goofed on by two doofuses” on the internet. Also the star shortstop “has an edge.”
"— It am finding it very difficult to keep myself from just turning this Tumblr into an aggregator of everything these two write. [The Classical]
